A new Day

I have known for awhile that I have been neglecting and important portion of myself. I have not felt any connection with my spirituality since Dale died, and maybe even a bit before that. I have felt kindof like a emotional zombie, huge walls built up, compartmentalizing myself from things I didnt want to think about. I would spend most of the month smiling and cheery but then when I felt weak that wall would come down and I would be bad off. After John passed away yesterday I knew I couldnt keep doing that so I took today off to just deal. I woke up early and went to Red Rocks. There were two other people there but we all just let each other be and a I sat and watched the sun rise.




I got there as it was starting to grow light and brought my camera and was glad I did. It was realy beautiful. It was still pretty dark and fairly cold but not enough that the blanket I got for christmas wasnt enough to keep me warm.


At first I felt myself stiff, mind wandering as usualy it does, skipping from thought to though, avoiding what I knew I had come up here to face. As it began to grow lighter I forced myself to breath normaly, closing my eyes from time to time, trying to pull myself together, collect my thoughts into a focus.


It took some time but eventualy I felt myself collecting, thoughts slowing and finaly silence, just loosing myself in the beauty.



I was gratefull for how perfectaly quiet it was up there, I just sat that way, in awe of the beauty, occasionaly taking snap shots, or just adjusting my oh so soft blanket I brought up with me.



After the peace for awhile I finaly let myself think about John, Dale, Grams and the others who are gone and feel I may be ready to start letting go.


I deeply believe that what ever happens to us after we pass away we are still around and I needed to remember that. That they are still with me in some way. They are no longer in pain or sick, they are part of everything and part of me.



I just let that sit, and I was greatfull the others had left by this time as I just cried and held that though and rolled it over in my head, believing, feeling it is true.


I sat there for longer, finaly opening my eyes as the first sun rays of today reached the top of the beautiful Red Rocks Amphatheatre and felt the warmpth. I dried my eyes and looked down at everything, off into the distance, almost to Kansas as my friend likes to say and at the clouds.



I am going to keep on this positive momentium the best can. Make today a day for healing and a day for centering myself, to be Wolf again not just the face Wolf puts on to not deal with things. I hope this can help me move forward to straiten out my life and all those adult type things but as well I am going to use it to get back in touch with my own vaguely pagan, quite hippy spirituality which usto be very important in my life and hopefully fill some of the holes.



I want to put out a thank you to all of my friends and family who have been there for me through this past year, and even my online friends who listen to me bitch on here. I am going to endevor to try and be a better friend and lets angsty and just in general better to be around. I love you all and I owe you all more than you know.

Wolf Kelley
 

The new house

Thought it was time for a new post, My friend Dave and another friend of ours and I moved to south Denver into a different house. I realy enjoy this place (even if it is pink) and it has a lot of room for a good price.



Here is the front of the house



Our entry stairs and chandelier



Our house from the back.



View from our deck



Our currently messy kitchen



Our Living Room



My bedroom and my deck.



The view from my deck



Our dining room



Our Computer room, you cant see most of it but its pretty big



Our horseshoe pit in the back yard, the house came with horseshoes too

The house is in a much better location for jobs and a nice and quiet neighborhood, I am really enjoying living here so far.

Moab

Hi All,

Its been awhile since I have done and update but I took a beautiful trip This week. My roommate Dave and I traveled to Phoenix and took a side trip through Moab and below are some of the pictures. For them all click on them and it will take you to my photo bucket.

















These pictures were from the first portion of the park. We had left Denver at midnight and driven all through the night. We took I 70 through the mountains and had a beautiful full moon to guide us through the night. As the Sun rose we pulled off I 70 onto a two lane road heading south to Moab. Dave had told me how beautiful this place was but I hadn't really comprehended how huge it was. We turned into the national park and I was amazed by all these features everywhere. This park was massive. We both got out at the first location which which is the first picture. There is a massive valley which the Sun was just beginning to creep into you. The valley had a natural trail built into it and Dave and I walked down it for a good distance. It was hard to stop because it just got more and more beautiful as we went into this valley which opened into another huge valley filled with these jutting formations. I took hundreds of pictures in this valley and will upload more to photo bucket later.

As we moved on we found why it was called Arches national park. Everywhere we looked there were huge natural arches. We again got out of the car and decided to explore. Some of the below pictures are of us standing in these huge arches. The bottom three pictures are my very favorites. We couldnt resist having fun with that last one.















This one is a view standing in one of the arches and looking into the distance.











We finally made it back safe though on the way home there is more story which I will post later.

ZOMGBBQ! A Post!?!?

(for the un L33t the title means Oh My Gods Barbeque... and yes I know it doesn’t make sense )

I'm a slacker, and I know and freely admit it. So Updates probably would be in order.
I'm not dead for one, I survived the Black Widow bite which SUCKED! Other than still randomly thinking I feel a spider on me and freaking out, I came through that relatively unscathed.
Lets see, things have been good at work and at home. Still love the house my roommates and I are renting. We have friends over often and other than the definite need to someday soon invest in new couches the place is great. I plan on start uploading some photos tonight that I have taken recently. My mom was nice enough to loan me her spare camera. I am really excited about having it this summer and looking forward to taking some nice outdoor shots.
My element is doing just fine, got its first ding some time while I was in HellMart (tm) but its not a big one. It is currently TERRIBLY dirty due to the mag-chloride they put on the streets here but unfortunately the weather here is about as stable as well... I cant currently think of a good descriptor but its just not stable! I am worried that if I wash it during one of the times the temperature is in the 60's or 70's the temp will drop like it likes to do down into the 20's (this happened yesterday) right after I finish and I will end up with a Hondacicle(tm). This happened a couple times in my Camry and have fond memories of not being able to open my car doors with out ripping the weather-stripping off due to it being frozen, or not being able to unlock it.



(not my car above but ive had a car look like that after one an ice storm)

Unlike my Mom's awesome blog I do not have any cute and fuzzy mammals in my house to talk about how cute their being (unless you consider V and M my other two gay roommates and there often being all cute hugging and kissing and stuff... its enough to make the single guy want to gag:P) and there is of course D, our token strait roomie. I may ask them if it’s ok to post about them on here a little bit.
I also have said this blog is somewhat about politics and I haven’t talked about that in awhile so I think I will include it on this post as little as I can comment. Honestly I have been ignoring the “BIG HEADLINES” about the primaries because at first I was paying attention, I would see “Hillary and Obama realy go for the throat” or “Obama and Hillary take off the Gloves” and then I look into the article or actually go and watch the debate the article mentions and realize the headlines should actualy read “Obama and Hillary Actually talk about the issues and challenge each other on issues but we want to sensationalize it and make it sound like the democrats have huge infighting because it will get a bigger story or maby make our Neo Conservative rulers throw more money at us” But you know maybe that’s just how I see it.
After the first couple times I just decided it was a waste of time and have purely focused on the issues and what they have in there past and proclaimed as there “platform”. So currently I would vote for Obama, He and I are a lot closer on most issues though Hillary is not far off. I kind of would rather see a woman president but I am voting on issues not how much I would like to see the fundies scream and cry because a woman is in power… I would realy love to see that... I just have to add that.
Granted if she wins I will be pretty happy too. I am still pissed at both of them a bit because there bowing on the gay marriage issue but I hope maybe once there in office they will grow a bit more of a backbone on that issue. It is not looking like it will happen at all but I have already given my family notice that if somehow Huckabee wins, I will be moving out of the country. So far Australia is looking the nicest, though would consider Canada and England. I would LOVE to move to New Zealand but I’ve heard its hard to get in, there’s a waiting list since the Lord of the Rings movies.

Ouchies

Ok, We got moved into the very nice house we are renting and I love it. Lots of space, big yard for entertaining, stable hot water supply. One thing I could live with out is the spiders, like black widow that bit me on Saturday. Ya, Ouchies. Got TERRIBLY sick last night from it and then went to the hospital this morning for it, spent 4 hours there and was given a prescription and have to go back in tomorrow for a check up. My leg is all swollen and feels like I burned it really bad and I keep getting a fever but its much better than last night. I really really hate spiders. I will probably take some picks tomorrow of the house and spider bite since I am taking the day off.

Thank you everyone for commenting on my blog, its really nice to get on and hear from you after getting Dales stuff. I came home after that and went to sleep till 9 tonight as soon as I got home, didn't really mean to take that long of a nap but guess I needed it. Hopefully I will be able to go back to sleep in a little bit. I've talked to mom and she really would like to comment back to all of your responses but just doesn't have the energy right now.

Within Without, thanks for your kind words and I know you have been there on the phone and email with my mom through all of this, she talks about you quite a bit and how much of a help you have been through all of these realy rough times and I really want to thank you for that.

Thank you Mary for your comment, I have watched you post on my moms journal and looked yours over from time to time at work *though I cant comment on blogs at work for some reason its blocked* and have enjoyed everything Ive heard. Thank you for your support of our family and I appreciate your words.

Cuppa, Thank you for commenting and your words do mean a lot. I wish I had got more of a chance to build that relationship but really am glad for the chance I got to get to know him, I still want to cry thinking about the time the nurse started asking if my mom would be in to visit her husband any time soon and asked if they were devorsed. It took me a moment to understand what she was asking and was about to corrected her when Dale beat me to the punch and said "He's my nephew but If he were my son I would definatly be proud to call him that." I will always have that to remember.

Courtney, I may, I always have wanted to be a writer and may do that but right now I just am too exhaused to think too hard about it. I appreciate your reply and thank you for keeping us in your thoughts.

Helen, I love your blog name by the way. I hope if I ever had to go through something like that I could keep the same attitude and as positive. He really did his best to keep us going even though he was the one who was ill. I am not really any religon but I strongly believe we go somewhere good when we pass away and I know Dale is there now and never will be truly gone.

Laurahinnj, Thank you for your comment, I am relay greatfull for the time I had with him as well even if it was illness that brought us together. I will do my best to be there for my mom, I really wish I could have been there to hug her when she found out, and for her to hug me as well. I am planning on heading up to montana as soon as I find out when the wake or whatever its called will be and will give her lots of hugs then.

Cathy, I will always remember him like you say and remember him for his strength, In a touch situation I could dig that deep and fight like he did. I am realy glad that she had shared this with everyone, she really does a good job and I know a lot of people used it who knew him before to keep up on things. Thank you for the long distance hug.

Sometimes Saintly Nick, Thank you nick for commenting and for your words. I know as well my mom has talked with you several times.

I think I'm going to try and go to sleep now, I feel like I can and hopefully I am right, work tomorrow is going to be hard enough with out lack of sleep. Thank you again from me and my mom everyone.

Dale

I don’t post very often to my blog due to a lot of things, and I don’t know how many people read it. But I know it’s linked off of my mom’s blog and hopefully some of you who read her blog look here, I will also leave a post on her blog after I write this. Last night at 2 am Dale passed away. We don’t have the details or much information yet, my mom found out this morning about an hour and a half ago and let me know. We really appreciate all the support and prayers and everything you all have done for our family, I know every time I have read over the comments on my mom’s blog it has made me want to cry because of all the support and kind words. I really want to thank everyone on there for being with our family through this and most of all for Dale. One of the last things he said to me was talking about he was ready to be famous now because so many people new about him from the blog and he was planning on making his own and wanted to write a book about everything he had been through and more and said he was going to put the thank you’s for the cards into the beginning of the book. I know we all would really like to have been able to read that book.

My mom right now is going through a lot; she just lost her best friend in the universe, someone she had spent nearly every day for the past 4 months with. I am not sure when she will be able to get herself to post again but I hope it is soon because I know how much you all mean to her. She has been so strong through this and done so much for Dale I cant even begin to write out how wonderful she has been for him and for the rest of the family, she really has been the glue holding us all together and been there for everyone and kept everyone who has known Dale up to date on how he is doing. I am always in awe of her strength. Please keep us in your thoughts in prayers the next while and I will do my best to keep the updates going while my mom is not able too. Again I want to thank you all for Dale and from my mom and me as well, I can’t really say how much this has meant to me. I will possibly post again when I get back; I am going to the hospital in a little bit to collect Dale’s possessions.