Valentines Day

When it comes to holidays I don't usually run into the same problems many I know do. I have no problems with Christmas, for me it has always been about family and friends so as long as I'm not stranded away from them I am usually fine. New years is a time for reflection and usually don't have much problem looking forward and keeping a positive outlook. I LOVE Halloween of course, it will always be my favorite holiday. The rest are just kind of are there but the one that always gets me is Valentines day. I have NEVER been in a relationship as valentines day rolls around due to my luck and always dread it. I know I am a lucky person, I have amazing friends, I do have people who love me as a friend, I have amazing family as well. But Valentines day still upsets me because it is all about that other kind of love. That kind where you have a special person that is just for you, that you can truly be open with and go to bed with every night and wake up next to them in the morning, something I want unsurprisingly very badly but am not very good at getting due to shyness and probably hundreds of other reasons. And even if I do someday find a boyfriend who could be more than just a boyfriend I will have to deal with the hurt of not being able to get legaly married which in it self to me twists the knife almost as much as being romantically alone.
All of it turns into bad ineffectiveness and I don't seem to be able to find a way to turn it toward the positive and try and make the glass half full. I am doing my best to not be snarky and grumpy during this holiday because I know my problem is jealousy; to those who are all happy smiles and giggles with their significant others, I am very happy for them and I feel terrible that right now the ugly green monster rears its head when I'm around them and gets snippish. I write this to get a little of the emotions out that I am feeling and to put it into words also helps me think about it. For anyone who reads this if your in a relationship I am very happy for you and hope that you enjoy your special day as a couple to the fullest extent because if I had someone to spoil on valentines day... well they would be well spoiled. And if your single on valentines day, I know your pain.